I've been trying to post something for a few days now, but every time I try to think of something profound, it doesn't sound quite right, or quite profound, anyway. I really am looking forward to 2012 this year with some bright hopes. Hopefully we'll see no cancer, hopefully we will find a house that will be right for us, hopefully we'll get to go on a fun Make-a-Wish trip, and hopefully Steven will walk.
One thing that happened to me with cancer is that I really started to live in the moment--thinking ahead, even to dinner, was too much. Planning was impossible for me. I think that looking ahead was so uncertain and unknown that it was easier to just think about the present.
I started to snap out of this about a month or so after chemo was over--and then Steven broke his leg and I was back into my bad habit. My confidence was a bit damaged and we went back into survival mode. He is doing really well now, and as his foot is healing, so are my hopes. Still, after what we have been through this year, I don't know if I will ever lose the understanding that things don't always go as you hope.
He is back at school today. He was feeling very nervous about going to school--mostly to recess. He is afraid of falling again. Thank heavens for the sunshine and that there is no snow or ice to worry about. When I dropped him off at school today, I got to see his friends give him a super excited, running hello. He will do fine--he may even decide that reading a book at recess just won't cut it for fun.
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